


Fractured Lights

by haikcute



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Bc I'm Broke, Best Friends, Boys In Love, Broken Families, Broken Friendships, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Coping, Depressing, Depression, Doctor Iwaizumi Hajime, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homosexuality, I Tried, I may add more characters later, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm gonna go now, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Iwaizumi's Girlfriend Is A Total Bitch, Kiss Kiss Fall in Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Music Composition Major! Oikawa Tooru, Musician Oikawa Tooru, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not The Best - Best Friend Iwaizumi Hajime, Oops, Past Rape/Non-con, Please Don't Hate Me, Rating May Change, Religion, Sadly, Slow Burn, Sports Medicine Major! Iwaizumi Hajime, Suicidal Oikawa Tooru, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Triggers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, You Will Hate Her, hopefully?, i just saw that tag and i wanted to add it, jk, no promises though, not really - Freeform, sue me, there is no OHSHC in this fic, ~
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7553059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikcute/pseuds/haikcute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa Tooru is a black hole. He is entrancing, and infinitely vast. </p><p>Iwaizumi gravitates towards him so intensely that no fiber of his being can escape, and he isn't sure that he wants to escape at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brown Eyes and Wonderful Music

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I am currently writing this. You can bookmark/subscribe to it if you want, but it will take a while for the full work to be completed! Please be patient (: thanks~

Iwaizumi rubbed a calloused hand down his face in an attempt to rub the sleepiness away. It was a Thursday night, and midterms were next week. Iwaizumi, who was majoring in sports medicine needed to study as much as he could. Oikawa, being a music composition major, did not have such a burden on his shoulders.

Iwaizumi glanced over his shoulder into the living room, where he saw his best friend Oikawa tuning his guitar. For a moment, Iwaizumi just admired him. He noted how his chestnut hair laid perfectly around his angelic features. A soft smile played on his lips as he tuned his favorite instrument.

Iwaizumi forced his thoughts to their childhood, as opposed to acknowledging Oikawa’s beauty. Oikawa had been deemed a musical prodigy from the time he was 5. He could master any instrument he touched within a couple of months. Iwaizumi was never jealous, as many assumed him to be. He was just proud of his best friend. He was always more of the outdoorsy type anyways. Getting dirty, and catching bugs were one of his favorite pastimes, much to Oikawa’s chagrin.

_ - _

_ “Iwa-chan, do not bring that thing near me!” Oikawa’s 9 year old frame all but screeched. _

_ “Trashykawa, it’s just a beetle, calm down!” Iwaizumi frantically reassured. _

_ Oikawa spared him a glance that showed how betrayed he felt before reminding Iwaizumi, “It’s gonna eat me alive!” _

-

Iwaizumi chuckled a little at the memory. 

“What’s so funny, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa asked as he set his guitar on its stand next to their television. While their shared apartment wasn't too small, it definitely wasn't big either. The living room was large enough to accommodate a love-seat and one recliner. The kitchen had an island that took up most of the space, and the dining room could fit their square table and 4 chairs. There was a long hallway, in which their mothers had hung up pictures from their childhood. The end of the hall it split into their two bedrooms and inside each there was a door that lead to their shared bathroom.

Iwaizumi looked back up at Oikawa’s 6’ frame that towered above his own when he was sitting.

“I was just thinking of how shitty you are,” Iwaizumi smiled at him, not truly meaning it.

“Mean Iwa-chan! You’re so mean to me!” Oikawa responded playfully with a small smile on his face. It was the type of smile that was reserved for Iwaizumi. It wasn't one of those disgustingly fake smiles that Oikawa gave to his “fangirls”. It was completely honest. It conveyed Oikawa’s true happiness, and Iwaizumi loved it.

Iwaizumi pushed these feelings down and felt nausea creep in instead. He realized the frequency in which these thoughts had been occurring, was increasing.

Memories flashed in his head.

-

_ Iwaizumi’s small frame was holding his mother’s hand as they walked towards the train station. While they were waiting for the train to arrive Iwaizumi spotted two men standing curiously close to each other. One of them leaned in for a kiss, much like the ones he had seen his parents share frequently.  _

_ Iwaizumi tugged on his mother’s sleeve. “Okaasan, what are they doing,” Iwaizumi asked with a small laugh. He had never seen his parents kiss in public, and thought the couple was being silly.  _

_ Iwaizumi’s mother’s face turned into a grimace as she realized where exactly he was pointing. “Don’t ever do that Hajime,” she addressed him. _

_ Iwaizumi’s lips pulled into a frown as he responded innocently, “Why can’t I give people kisses?” _

_ Her face softened slightly as she knelt down in front of him too look into his eyes. “I meant, don’t ever kiss a boy, Hajime,” she corrected and gave him a pointed look. _

_ Iwaizumi’s child brain was trying to wrap around the concept of not being able to kiss certain people. “Why not, okaasan,” Hajime asked with a small frown. _

_ Her face turned cold as she said, “Because it’s wrong. I don't ever want to hear about you kissing boys. It’s disgusting.” _

_ Iwaizumi was confused, but did not push the topic any further. _

_ - _

Iwaizumi’s thoughts then strayed to a slightly fresher memory from middle school.

-

_ “Iwa-chan! Iwa-chaaaaan… were you even listening,” Oikawa asked incredulously. _

_ “Shut up shittykawa,” Iwaizumi answered back attempting to deepen his 14 year old shaky voice, “why don’t you go tell, whatever it is, to your fangirls?” _

_ Oikawa apparently noticed the frown on his face as he teased, “Iwa-chan, there’s no need to get jealous. It’s not my fault I’m pretty.” _

_ Iwaizumi had to restrain himself from smacking the smirk right off of Oikawa’s face.  _

_ He was indeed jealous, just not of Oikawa. He was jealous of the girls that Oikawa acknowledged. They would scream and giggle when he walked by, and fawn over him. “Tooru this, Tooru that.”  _

_ Iwaizumi didn't want anyone to take Oikawa away from him.  _

_ He vividly remembers his mother telling him how “disgusting” it was for two boys to kiss, but when he looked at Oikawa, he felt that it wouldn’t be that bad. _

_ It was thought like these that would embed themselves in Iwaizumi’s brain.  _

_ Then images of his father’s face turned down in disappointment would appear. An echo of his mother’s voice saying “it’s disgusting” and “don’t ever kiss a boy” would ring in his head. He felt as though there was a layer of grime on top of his skin. He felt dirty. He wanted to kiss Oikawa, and he knew it was wrong. He scratched at his arm in an attempt to rid himself of the dirtiness he felt oppressing him. When that didn't work he took off in a sprint towards his house, clipping out a short goodbye to Oikawa.  _

_ Iwaizumi flew into his house, kicking off his shoes and messily putting them away. He ran up stairs and started the water for a scalding bath. Hajime stripped down, but could still distinctly feel something layering his skin. He felt as though he were unable to breathe when he stepped into the steaming tub, but didn't care that it would burn him. He needed to be clean.  _

_ After a while of scrubbing with a washcloth to no avail, he threw it aside and began to use his fingernails instead. The pain barely registered as he began to draw blood. His fingers still made their way across red stained skin. He didn't know when the tears started to fall, but soon enough the angry scratch marks just became red blobs through his hazy vision. Incoherent mumbles of “dirty” and “disgusting” made their way from his mouth.  _

_ He doesn't remember how long it had been, but eventually his mother stormed in (breaking the lock in the process) and forced him to stop. She and his father took him to the hospital where they tended to his wounds. He never explained to them why he did that, but from that day on, he vowed to purge any thoughts along the lines of the ones he felt for Oikawa that day. _

_ - _

In the following years, he was generally successful. Anytime he felt something remotely similar to attraction for a male, he suppressed it. He even managed to have a girlfriend from time to time. He was never fully invested in the relationships, so they would eventually break up with him. However, the thing he remembers most is how distant Oikawa would get when he had a girlfriend. The time they spent together shortened to their classes during the day, and volleyball practice. When Iwaizumi would invite him over, Tooru would always tell him to, “hang out with his girlfriend instead”. When the relationships would inevitably end, they would go back to their normal friendship as if nothing ever happened. 

High school went normally. He would suffer through classes, play volleyball, and hang out with friends. Suppressing  _ those  _ feelings became increasingly easier as he went through high school. However, he realized that when he was with Oikawa, it was as if he threw all of that out the window. He would find himself staring a little too long, or doting a little too much. Everyone teased him about it, causing him to blush, but he always found the idea of taking care of Oikawa to be a surprisingly pleasant one.

-

“C’mon Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, snapping Iwaizumi back to the present, “You look like you got hit by a bus; maybe you should go get some sleep.”

“Y’know, Trashykawa,” Iwaizumi said with a glare, “that was a really shitty thing to say.”

“I’m just trying to take care of you Iwa-chan,” Tooru defended saying the last part in a mumble, “you always do it for me.”

Iwaizumi’s heart swelled a little at the words, but then he remembered that he had been so out of it lately. With midterms coming up he had been neglecting making sure his best friend was okay. 

While Tooru was a 19 years old, and was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, Iwaizumi had been doing it for so long, that it was just second nature to him.

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi fixed him with a pointed look, “have you taken you medicine at all this week?”

Oikawa looked at him with a guilty expression. “I took it on Monday,” he answered sheepishly.

“Dammit Tooru,” Iwaizumi could feel his anger rising, but he couldn't blame Oikawa. It was Iwaizumi who had neglected to remind him. “Come here,” he beckoned Oikawa with him to their shared bathroom where Oikawa’s medication was kept. Oikawa followed behind him and accepted the amitriptyline tablet with a bottled water.

“Thanks Iwa-chan,” Oikawa mumbled before taking a swig of the water and downing the pill.

“Don’t mention it, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi answered and headed out of the bathroom.

Hajime decided that he would leave his study materials out so that maybe he could glance over it in the morning before he had to head to class. He headed to his room and collapsed on his bed not even bothering to change into sleep clothes. 

“Goodnight Iwa-chan!” he heard Oikawa say from the other room. He grunted in response before he fell asleep and dreamt of brown eyes and wonderful music.

  
  



	2. Hurt and Ignored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hatari is a bitch (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have no fear, chapter 2 is here!
> 
> lol pls ignore me, I chose to write instead of sleep last night. Forgive any mistakes that I may have made please (:

Iwaizumi’s focus waned as his thoughts shifted towards his exams. It was Monday and he had just finished taking his physiology midterm. The fear of a failing grade was creeping up on him, and his girlfriend’s voice was rapidly losing coherency. He was picking at his tofu, when a shrill voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Hajime, are you even listening to me,” the voice asked incredulously. He dared a glance up to see his girlfriend making an irritated face. 

Neikan Hatari was in her second year of college, and had attached herself to Hajime claiming to be “showing him the ropes of university life”. It wasn't until two months of them knowing one another that she finally convinced Iwaizumi to ask her out (with a lot of pressure from her friends). In all honesty, Iwaizumi thought all of her advances were in an attempt to get closer to Oikawa. It was the reason most girls approached him. He was known for being Oikawa’s “sidekick”. It didn’t bother him as much as it should have, but it apparently hindered his social skills, as he assumed most people talked to him with intentions of getting closer to his best friend. 

He sighed and put his head in his hands as he mumbled, “Sorry, I’m just tired.”

“Has Oikawa been keeping you awake by being needy again,” she asked accusingly giving him a pointed look with her sharp blue eyes. Her blonde hair fell in an asymmetrical bob around her head. 

“No, he has not,” Iwaizumi replied with another sigh. He didn't really understand why Hatari seemed to dislike Oikawa so much, but it had become apparently obvious in their 3 months of dating. Anytime Hatari was over at their apartment, Oikawa would either leave quickly, barely sparing a goodbye, or hole himself up in his room and not come out until he knew she was gone. Iwaizumi had tried asking him about it one time, but all he got in response was a mumbled, “It’s nothing Iwa-chan,” with an obviously faked smile. Iwaizumi, however, decided not to push the issue.

Hatari was a bigger problem though. Any time Iwaizumi would mention Oikawa she would huff and blatantly show her distaste. She would also drop (not very) sly comments into her speech that demeaned Oikawa. When Iwaizumi would mention it she would go on a rant about how Oikawa is taxing on him, how Iwaizumi should tell Oikawa to take care of himself, and how Oikawa is too obsessed with Iwaizumi that they “never get to spend any time together!”. Iwaizumi almost pointed out how whatever time they did get to spend together she filled it with complaints about Oikawa, but reigned in his anger, in fear of coming across too harsh. After a good thirty minutes of her talking shit about his best friend, and him attempting to control his anger, he realized that he should  _ never  _ broach that topic again.

Eventually he just found himself ignoring her comments about Oikawa. When he looked past her unjustified hate of his best friend, she actually had some pretty good qualities. She was incredibly nice, (to everyone but Oikawa it seemed), but it was almost too nice in a way. She would compliment people, and help them in times of need. She tutored first years who were struggling in some subjects, and asked for nothing in return. She was overall an incredibly good person, so Iwaizumi endured her endless insulting of Oikawa. Their relationship was good, and he wasn’t going to let their petty dispute ruin his friendship with Oikawa, or his relationship with Hatari.

-

He and Hatari had planned a date for Friday night, when they would both be completed with their midterms. That day Iwaizumi had taken his algebra midterm, and he was definitely afraid for the scores to come back. Algebra was by far his worst subject, and the test happened to be on his last day of midterms, when he was burnt-out and ready to get it over with. That night as he was taking a shower in preparation for his date, he was regretting how he half assed his way through most of the more complicated questions. 

Iwaizumi ran soapy hands through his hair and pushed those thoughts from his mind. He began to think about how this week he hadn’t spoken to Oikawa much.  _ Oikawa _ .

Images of wavy chestnut hair and large expanses of milky skin began to fill his mind. Suddenly the water began to feel a little  _ too warm.  _ He turned the water all the way to cold in an attempt to will away the half hardness beginning to form at his groin. When that was of little to no avail, he reluctantly decided to just deal with it. Gripping himself with one hand he tried to push the thoughts of muscles, brown eyes, and shitty alien shirts from his head, but trying not to think about something was proven to only encourage those thoughts. Iwaizumi was  _ close _ ; embarrassingly so in such a short amount of time. He braced his unoccupied hand upon the shower wall to keep himself steady while he bit down on his lip to keep from making any noise.  _ God forbid he alert Oikawa.  _ Oikawa was by far the _ last  _ person he wanted to be informed of his current actions. He could practically hear Oikawa’s tone:

_ “What were you doing in there Iwa-chaaan?” Hypothetical Oikawa asked, and paired this question with a sly smirk. _

_ “Oh, you know, Shittykawa… Just wishing your mouth could have replaced my hand.” _

The thought of Oikawa’s mouth down  _ there  _ is what sent Iwaizumi over the edge. He let out a small grunt as he came onto his hand, and watched his release go down the drain. He proceeded to clean himself up feeling guilty, empty, and unsatisfied.

-

Iwaizumi had finished in the shower, dried off, and gotten dressed. He left the steamy bathroom and threw his old clothes into the laundry hamper before heading into the hall to wait in the living room for Hatari. When he was halfway down the hall he heard mumbling and sniffles that sounded an awful lot like a pitiful Oikawa. Iwaizumi rushed to the living room to check on his best friend. What he saw was unexpected to say the least.

His eyes first landed upon Oikawa whose face was red and blotchy from crying, then his eyes flicked to someone else sitting on his couch. Blonde hair, feminine figure, stiff shoulders…  _ Hatari?! Why is she so early? _

“What’s going on here,” Iwaizumi questioned in his most demanding voice.

Oikawa furiously wiped at his face and ran from the living room. A few seconds later Iwaizumi heard the slam and lock of a door. He was still staring at the back of his girlfriend’s head contemplating his next action. Hatari’s shoulders were still strangely stiff, and she had yet to turn to face Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi sighed and began, “Hey, I think I am gonna go check on h-,” 

“Hajime,” Hatari’s voice loudly interrupted, “please come here and comfort me… he was just,” she suddenly let out an overly dramatic sniffle, “so mean to me.”

Iwaizumi glanced back down the hall towards Oikawa’s room, then back at Hatari considering what to do. 

Hatari began bawling much worse, and Iwaizumi ran a hand through his hair in exasperation before sitting down the couch and pulling her into his arms. He endured her obnoxious blubbering and body wracking sobs before she calmed down enough to make out a coherent sentence.

“Oikawa was telling me that you hated me, and how you want to break up with me. Is that true Hajime,” Hatari questioned, sniffling.

Iwaizumi looked at her in surprise. “Oikawa said what?! Of course I don’t want to break up with you,” he answered frantically when he saw her lip began to tremble. 

She nodded and began again, “Oikawa said that, and then he told me how he ‘knows I’m only dating you to get closer to him’. I tried telling him that I’m dating you because I like you, not him, but he wouldn’t hear any of it.”

Iwaizumi couldn't help but think of how distraught Oikawa looked when Iwaizumi walked in, but he decided not to mention that to Hatari in fear of her having another breakdown.

“What if we just stay in and watch movies tonight?” he said as he got up and headed to the DVD case next to the television stand. Hatari gave a noise of confirmation as he began rummaging through the movie titles.

Iwaizumi had his back to Hatari, so he missed the tiny proud smile that graced her face when she realized that he believed her. She knew she had him wrapped around her finger, and was slowly, but surely pushing Oikawa Tooru out of his life.

-

Some time later when half of “Confessions of a Shopaholic”  _ (why did they even have that movie?!) _ was over, Iwaizumi found Hatari to be fast asleep. He was about to move her off of his shoulder and go get something to eat, when he heard a door open down the hall. Iwaizumi stiffened as he watched Oikawa’s tense frame head to the kitchen. He spared a glance at Iwaizumi, and then his eyes shot daggers at the sleeping Hatari on his shoulder. It was then that Iwaizumi remembered the alleged horrible things Oikawa had said to Hatari. 

He was beyond pissed. He didn’t know for sure if Hatari was telling the truth, but it wouldn’t be the first time in his life that Oikawa has said something selfish. He wanted to ask Oikawa, but at the moment he was far too angry for that conversation to end pleasantly. Also, if Hatari were to wake up and find him talking to Oikawa, about whether or not she was telling the truth no less; well Iwaizumi just didn't want to face the consequences. So he sat, stared at the television, and attempted to ignore Oikawa’s overbearing presence in the back of his mind. He forced himself to think of how hurt Hatari had looked, and how much she had cried. She wouldn’t cry for no reason, so obviously Oikawa must have done something to upset her. ‘ _ Then why was Oikawa crying?’  _ the rational part of his mind reasoned. That was just something he couldn't figure out. Oikawa was always one for drama, but if he was convinced that Hatari was dating Iwaizumi to get closer to Oikawa, then wouldn't he be flirting with her? Oikawa was never one to cry if he was rejected, so Iwaizumi couldn't understand what caused Oikawa to run to his room with such an emotion on his face. 

He sighed and ran his calloused fingers through spiky back hair. He pushed all thoughts of girlfriends and best friends aside, too tired for all of the unneeded drama, and emptied his mind.

With his stubborn mindset, Iwaizumi missed the look of hurt that made its way onto Oikawa’s tear streaked face as he was ignored by his best friend and made out to be a selfish liar by a certain evil girlfriend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy!  
> So here is chapter 2! I don't exactly know where I am going with this story, but I am honestly just super proud that I produced another chapter. 
> 
> It's actually been bothering me lately, but I have a bad habit of starting a story, and then just dropping it. 
> 
> I keep telling myself that I will go back to them, but I never do. However, I decided that with this story, I am just going to keep writing until it 's done. 
> 
> I am hoping that this inspires me to complete more works in the future!
> 
> Please feel free to comment and leave kudos. (They are greatly appreciated!!)
> 
> And I will see you guys in the next chapter! byeeeeee~


	3. I Promise This Fic Isn't Dead!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An apology as well as what to expect in the near as well as the not so near future!

Hey guys! I am so sorry! I know I have not added anything to this fic in foREVER, but.... I am not giving up on it! This fic idea is honestly my baby and I want to cherish and nurture it and watch it turn into its own work of art! SO!!! I am currently finishing up Chapter 3! Over the course of the summer, before my classes start up again, I plan to try and get as much done on this fic as possible! I am currently sitting in a coffee shop high on caffeine, running on no sleep, and ready to work! :D Let's hope for the best!

Best wishes,

haikcute! (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please feel free to check me out on twitter @haikcute. DM me if you have any questions or concerns, or if you just wanna chat. I am always looking for new mutuals! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave a kudos and/or a comment! I love getting feedback. Such as: whether or not you liked it, constructive criticism, or if you just want to send me a message!  
> Thanks, and I will see you in the next chapter! Byeeeee~


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